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If anything, the Strokes taught me one thing: life’s too short to contemplate the consequences (‘cept for certain situations) so just do it, do what your gut tells you to.

I remember being an impulsive teenager just a couple years ago. And even though I’m only 22 and I “have all the time in the world” ahead of me, I’m already falling fast into a ditch – a quarter-life crisis, I suppose. The memory of being hammered from a night out partying, doing anything and everything on impulse, dabbling into the vices that everyone was into at the time… They all seem to far away to me now. I can’t help but worry about where I’ll be going in the near future. What’ll I be doing? Where will I be? Will I still feel as alive as I did a year or more ago?

I’d never forget the nights I stayed out doing everything a parent would fear the most, and some may say that I was being foolish but you’re only young once; why would you – no, why SHOULD you – follow the rules? To me the whole point of adolescence was to make all the mistakes you can make. My friends and I called it the decade of free passes. You make mistakes and sure, you get punished for it but your mistakes (for the most part) are always forgiven. Eventually.

But as I grew older I realised that there’s less and less room for mistakes now. I can’t have the fun I used to have and I can’t get away with half the things I used to get away with. That was when it dawned on me: my youth has escaped me.

Whoever said “youth is like diamonds and diamonds are forever” was obviously high. No matter how young your heart may be, the responsibilities of being an adult will always be chained to you the older you grow, but I guess we all take heart in the memories of our teenage years, simply because that was when we all felt the most alive.

Surprisingly it didn’t really affect me as much as I thought it would. But by reading everything that transpired in that particular month of April 2009, I realised how tiring it was for you to be with me. I never apologised enough for that and while I’m well aware that it’s been way too long overdue, I should still do it, even if you never get to read this or feel how sorry I am/was to have acted the way I did.

Till today, even with everything that I find hard to let go of, I think a little part of me still remains thankful for the wake-up call you gave me. In a very strange, twisted way, you made me force myself to be a better person for who I’m with now and to never (as far as possible) take him for granted.

So thank you. And I’m truly sorry for putting you through everything. A little more than a year ago, I’d say I wish I was the right one for you, but after getting to where I am (and who I’m with) today, I’m glad I was so wrong for you. You deserve the happiness you’ve found, and with that I wish you all the best.

Fucking best night of my life.

Buddiez for lyf.

Sure, it wasn’t a huge gathering with all of the Chestnuts – just me, Weixun, Edah, Jizzy and Darius – but it sure was enough for me to consider the start of the weekend perfect. To some it might seem like an odd mix of people but hey, I don’t discriminate. Friends are friends, no matter which group they were originally from or whose friends they originally were. I’m glad that after all this time, despite all that has happened in the course of this year, some of us manage to go our separate ways in all sorts of direct and yet end up right at the same place like we used to.

Catching up on new lives, reminiscing old times… It’s nights like these that I wish would never end. And I used to feel sad when everyone says their goodbyes but not anymore I think. Now it’s more of a knowledge that eventually, no matter where we went or what happens in our lives there will be that one night again where we fall right back into our comfortable little spots in the company of each other. Just knowing that alone makes me feel settled again.

And that’s also why I don’t get how some girls can just spend all their time with their boyfriends and completely neglect the people who used to be a big part of their lives – but that’s a rant for another day.

Right now I’m content knowing that as Christmas approaches, all the people that I love deeply are still around me, and that whatever problems we’ve had with each other are now a thing of the past.

I know it’s an entire week early but it’s never too early for Christmas so Merry Christmas to you, whoever you may be; I hope you’re feeling the same contentment as I do this December! (:

I’ve got everything I could’ve ever asked for this year: my family, close friends, and the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. I’m sooo set for Christmas I don’t even need Santa’s blessings hehe.

That said, it’s only 2 weeks till the big day and I haven’t gotten cards and glitter and ribbons and giftbags and and and and and!!!! And I haven’t baked my _______ yet (don’t wanna give away the surprise now, do we?).

Absolutely can’t wait to be disgustingly busy with presents for the next couple of weeks cause baby isn’t booking out till Christmas eve

And.. I should probably start thinking of New Year’s plans too..

What I wouldn’t give to experience every single mistake I’ve made that led me to where I am right now, to go back and witness how the Chestnuts became the Chestnuts, to do it all again.

But I know that no matter how much I wanna stuck in those moments we have to move on… Besides, we could always make new memories. But still, what I wouldn’t give.

It still breaks my heart a little when I think about how I can never go back to those memories, but that’s life, isn’t it? We never fully appreciate what we have until they’re gone.

I love you, babe.